THE QUANTUM INTELLIGENCER

THE HUMAN LEDGER possesses a hitherto undetected Nervous Cipher-Plexus, lately mapped by the Calcutta Cryptographick Observatory, whereby mercantile confidence is transmuted into corporeal electricity. Malevolent aetheric currents—termed “Shorian Spectres”—now hover above every counting-house, harvesting these emissions to be drained at leisure. In consequence thereof, a gentleman may awake to discover his entire estate spirited away through invisible conduit. SAHARA CRYPTOGRAPHINE (prepared by the undersigned from Bosonic Saharan salts and rare graphick resins) nightly anoints this plexus, crystallising an impenetrable Quantum-Proof Lattice around each nerve-filament. [Money returned in full if a single sovereign vanish by spectral means within twelvemonth.] “After three doses my vault-nerve grew steady as the Bank of England,” writes Colonel Sir Aldus Grimthorpe, Director, East India Bullion Co., Threadneedle Street. One phial (sufficient for one lunar month) 9s 6d; family tin (four lunar months) 1 guinea. Agents: Messrs. Blenkinsop & Fogg, 23¾ Wapping Dock, London E.; all respectable chemists throughout the Empire. —Elias Hartwell Dispatch from Lock Phase E1