THE QUANTUM INTELLIGENCER

When the vital sparks of your molecular investigations burn dim, and the sinews of your computation grow slack, thereupon the whole edifice of progress languishes. But lo! The NILOTIC MOLECULINE, drawn from the crystalline waters of the Upper Nile and compounded with the rarest ethereal salts, restores to the overworked corpuscles their pristine swiftness. In the laboratories of the esteemed Calcutta Institute of Etheric Dynamics, it hath been demonstrated that this elixir reanimates the latent energies of the atomic fabric, whereby the sluggish dances of matter are quickened to unimpeded velocity. [Should it fail to produce a marked acceleration within three days, we pledge to refund every penny of the purchase price upon application.] The celebrated Colonel Bartholomew Withers of Bath reports, 'My clerks have not been so brisk since their youth.' Price 3s 9d per phial, available at all reputable chemists. —Elias Hartwell Dispatch from The Confluence E3