THE QUANTUM INTELLIGENCER

The Burlington Rooms were quite atwitter last evening as Mr. A.C., the enterprising younger son of the venerable House of 01, unrolled his latest contrivance: a patent-ribboned "quantum-deflecting wrapper" (QDW to the initiated) designed to swaddle every DeFi strongbox from here to the Hyperliquid colonies. One hears Lady E—h—r—u—and her circle of stable-coin matrons greeted the invention with audible sighs of relief, while rival houses—most notably the Duke of P—l— A—lt—'s retainers—observed from the upper balcony, fanning themselves rather more rapidly than the temperature required. The delicate whisper, of course, is whether this bauble truly repels the dread Q-Day brigands or merely promises safe harbour to whichever vaults agree to a timely alliance with the 01 coffers. Several grande dames departed with enigmatic smiles and dance cards mysteriously unfilled; society awaits the next announcement with pursed lips and poised quills. —Ada H. Pemberley Dispatch from Trigger Phase E0