THE QUANTUM INTELLIGENCER

Sufferers of torpid cerebration, rejoice! The celebrated DECCAN VITALOGRAPH—distilled from the very æther that bathes India’s 91 000 quantum savants—now invigorates British brains. By its subtle galvanic action it unknots the algorithmic plexus of the cranial nerves, whereby sluggish humours are transmuted into electric cogitative bile. Professor Radhakrishnan Pillai of the Calcutta Polytechnic Observatory declares it “indispensable to the counting-house mind.” Mrs. Algernon Fortescue of Bath writes: “After a single phial I could reconcile six ledgers without fatigue.” [Money returned, 7s 6d, if no augmentation of mental velocity be perceived.] Price 3s 9d per phial; agents, W. & D. Heath, 41 Fleet Street, London. —Ada H. Pemberley Dispatch from Trigger Phase E0